Help With Grief

The funeral directors at Cypress Fairbanks Funeral Home are experienced with the transition of loss. We have built an extensive network of resources to help families make the journey from sorrow and loss to acceptance and recovery. We are always ready to help refer our friends to reputable bereavement and grief support service providers. This information is not intended as a substitute for the caring support of a grief counselor or support group. If your grief is particularly acute please seek the assistance of a grief counseling professional.

A Definition of Grief

Grief is the physical, emotional and mental condition brought on by a loss, or the death of someone you love. Grief is our body's natural ability to heal our emotional injury. Grieving is difficult and many times assistance of friends, loved ones or a grief counselor is needed. Grief is a personal process characterized by three phases. Three Phases of Grief

The first phase is Shock (denial). This begins with the news of the death, but the reality of the death may occur in a few minutes, a few days or even several months later. This phase protects the survivor from the emotional impact of the death. A need to stay busy, confusion, an inability to express emotion, inability to function and an overwhelming sense that something is wrong without grasping the reality of the loss are common characteristics of this phase.

The second phase is the expression of grief, such as, bargaining, anger and depression and may last for several days to several years. There are mental, physical and emotional manifestations that may come and go, or appear in any combination.

• Mental: Preoccupation with the death, inability to focus, remember, lack of productivity, paranoia or, inconsistent thoughts.
• Physical: Fatigue, weakness, insomnia, weight gain or loss, headaches, tendency to catch stress-related illnesses, a sense of vulnerability, discomfort with too much activity or stimulation.
• Emotional: Intense sadness, fear, anxiety, anger, depression, loneliness, confusion, helplessness, isolation and guilt. There may be the inability to feel love or give love, compulsive behavior, or thinking that you are "crazy".

If an individual is experiencing these symptoms, realize that they are quite normal and in many ways are a necessary part of the healing process of grief. However, if you feel the individual is experiencing these conditions acutely and is not able to handle the grief on their own, professional help may be needed.

The third and final phase is acceptance. You will know when the individual has reached this stage when they are able to recall memories of their deceased loved one fondly and pleasantly instead of painfully. Once acceptance has been reached, planning for the future becomes more realistic. A new and wiser individual will have emerged.

Taking Care of Yourself

During the first few days after a death, family and friends surround you. You are busy planning the funeral and may not have time to think about yourself until later when you are alone with your grief. After you've planned the funeral, take care of yourself. You can expect to experience a wide range of emotions. Grieving is hard work, and you may feel tired and lethargic without understanding why. Lighten your schedule if you can, eat healthy foods and exercise to renew your energy. Take time to be alone with your thoughts, but also spend time talking to close friends about your loss. You need to express your emotions. Feel and express your emotions. It is okay to cry, to laugh, or to be silent. Write things down about your feelings, your wishes, regrets and joys. Give yourself breaks from grieving to rest, have fun and be nurtured. Try to eat well. Try to get your sleep. Above all, give yourself time.